It is almost 1:30 am, I must be up at 6 am but I cant sleep. I have never had a problem with self esteem, even when I was at my heaviest weight. It may have been because I didnt realize I was over weight, but who knows. Even before I gained weight, i was never a size two, always about a size 6, I was fine with that. Now that I am excersising and trying to eat healthy I have the worst self esteem ever. I dont buy clothes, I dont want my picture to be taken, I dont want people to see me. It is horrible!
The worst part for me is I am a very put together person and it has become obvious that I am having trouble with my weight which makes me feel that people now realize that I am not "all together all the time". Does this make sense? It is almost 2 am. Whatever.
I ate horribly this weekend. horribly! Plus, I didnt go to the gym. On friday I just didnt get their out of laziness but Saturday they were closed because of 4th of July so I came up with some lame excuse why I couldnt go out for a run, Sunday I planned to go, I even wore my gym clothes all day but I had no time! Instead I ate half a banana split sundae, and if we are being honest here, it was more than half.
It is not as if I am very overweight, I just put on the freshman 15 and it is showing in my stomach and my face.
My friend took the worst picture of me ever tonight, I cant stop staring at it. Although I will continue with my whole being anonymous thing you must see this picture, it is horrible!
ughhh, this picture is horrible, it makes me want to throw up, (but not really). I feel like all of my efforts this summer have been a complete waste, and to top that I have been having troubles staying on my diet. I better go to sleep and in the morning I will worry about my diet and such.
Love you all!
Ms.Boots
P.S dont you love my FBI Eye and Nose block out, it is super great, huh?
